she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
worst night to have a conscience
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize