I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
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