You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
