How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
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