I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
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Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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