let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
Randomize
