can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
