i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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