my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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