Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize