can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
