Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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