I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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