You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
