Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
