I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
