Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Randomize
