Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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