I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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