He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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