tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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