I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
