yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
