They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
