how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
