Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
