note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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