Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize