Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
