You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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