MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
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