If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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