it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
