I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
