she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize