This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Randomize
