Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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