Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
