what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
