i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
