I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
