if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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