The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
