I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Randomize
