Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize