It's like God shit irony all over that family
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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