Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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