he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
