Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(301): View more from Maryland

I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm

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(360): View more from Washington

two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?

(206): View more from Washington

only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.

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(308): View more from Nebraska

I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.

(402): View more from Nebraska

but it's kind of a high honor.

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(937): View more from Ohio

Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.

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(415): View more from California

Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.

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(562): View more from California

Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night

Fav 2 1739 1055
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(715): View more from Wisconsin

i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?

Fav 2 27 38
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(503): View more from Oregon

I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.

Fav 0 18 46
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