I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
