I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Randomize
