HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
this hospital has no fireball
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
