I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Randomize
