I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
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