ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
