I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
