cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Randomize
