just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Randomize
