I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
