There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
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