she smelled like a LAN party
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
Randomize
