1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
