Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Randomize
