his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
