It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
