so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
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