Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
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