i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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