hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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