we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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