i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
