Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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