once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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