I seem to have left my pride at pride
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
