I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
