i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Randomize
