awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
