the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
