i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
