nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
My day in three words: secret purse cake
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
God, I missed his penis.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
