I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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