you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
