His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize