She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
