Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
