I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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