I am full of burrito and curiosity
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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