Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Randomize