I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Randomize
