just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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