Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I need to sanitize my soul.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
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