I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Randomize
