you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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