Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
he just fucked me for my cheese..
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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